Langston Hughes’s poem seems appropriate for this very damaged Fourth of July. I see that it’s copyright, so I won’t post the whole thing, although I’d like to. I recommend reading the whole thing.
Let America be America again. Let it be the dream it used to be. Let it be the pioneer on the plain Seeking a home where he himself is free.
(America never was America to me.)
Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed— Let it be that great strong land of love Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme That any man be crushed by one above.
(It never was America to me.)
O, let my land be a land where Liberty Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath, But opportunity is real, and life is free, Equality is in the air we breathe.
(There’s never been equality for me, Nor freedom in this “homeland of the free.”)
Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark? And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?
I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart, I am the Negro bearing slavery’s scars. I am the red man driven from the land, I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek— And finding only the same old stupid plan Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.
Hughes wanted this dream of America and knew that we can build it together. We can do it.
O, yes, I say it plain, America never was America to me, And yet I swear this oath— America will be!
Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death, The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies, We, the people, must redeem The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers. The mountains and the endless plain— All, all the stretch of these great green states— And make America again!
The recent innovations in the AI space, most notably those such as GPT-4, obviously have far-reaching implications for society, ranging from the utopian eliminating of drudgery, to the dystopian damage to the livelihood of artists in a capitalist society, to existential threats to humanity itself.
I myself have formal training as a data scientist, going so far as to dominate a competitive machine learning event at one of Australia's top universities and writing a Master's thesis where I wrote all my own libraries from scratch. I'm not God's gift to the field, but I am clearly better than most of my competition - that is, practitioners who haven't put in the reps to build their own C libraries in a cave with scraps, but can read textbooks and use libraries written by elite institutions.
So it is with great regret that I announce that the next person to talk about rolling out AI is going to receive a complimentary chiropractic adjustment in the style of Dr. Bourne, i.e, I am going to fucking break your neck. I am truly, deeply, sorry.
I. But We Will Realize Untold Efficiencies With Machine L-
What the fuck did I just say?
I started working as a data scientist in 2019, and by 2021 I had realized that while the field was large, it was also largely fraudulent. Most of the leaders that I was working with clearly had not gotten as far as reading about it for thirty minutes despite insisting that things like, I dunno, the next five years of a ten thousand person non-tech organization should be entirely AI focused. The number of companies launching AI initiatives far outstripped the number of actual use cases. Most of the market was simply grifters and incompetents (sometimes both!) leveraging the hype to inflate their headcount so they could get promoted, or be seen as thought leaders1.
The money was phenomenal, but I nonetheless fled for the safer waters of data and software engineering. You see, while hype is nice, it's only nice in small bursts for practitioners. We have a few key things that a grifter does not have, such as job stability, genuine friendships, and souls. What we do not have is the ability to trivially switch fields the moment the gold rush is over, due to the sad fact that we actually need to study things and build experience. Grifters, on the other hand, wield the omnitool that they self-aggrandizingly call 'politics'2. That is to say, it turns out that the core competency of smiling and promising people things that you can't actually deliver is highly transferable.
I left the field, as did most of my smarter friends, and my salary continued to rise a reasonable rate and sustainably as I learned the wisdom of our ancient forebearers. You can hear it too, on freezing nights under the pale moon, when the fire burns low and the trees loom like hands of sinister ghosts all around you - when the wind cuts through the howling of what you hope is a wolf and hair stands on end, you can strain your ears and barely make out:
"Just Use Postgres, You Nerd. You Dweeb."
The data science jobs began to evaporate, and the hype cycle moved on from all those AI initiatives which failed to make any progress, and started to inch towards data engineering. This was a signal that I had both predicted correctly and that it would be time to move on soon. At least, I thought, all that AI stuff was finally done, and we might move on to actually getting something accomplished.
And then some absolute son of a bitch created ChatGPT, and now look at us. Look at us, resplendent in our pauper's robes, stitched from corpulent greed and breathless credulity, spending half of the planet's engineering efforts to add chatbot support to every application under the sun when half of the industry hasn't worked out how to test database backups regularly. This is why I have to visit untold violence upon the next moron to propose that AI is the future of the business - not because this is impossible in principle, but because they are now indistinguishable from a hundred million willful fucking idiots.
II. But We Need AI To Remain Comp-
Sweet merciful Jesus, stop talking. Unless you are one of a tiny handful of businesses who know exactly what they're going to use AI for, you do not need AI for anything - or rather, you do not need to do anything to reap the benefits. Artificial intelligence, as it exists and is useful now, is probably already baked into your businesses software supply chain. Your managed security provider is probably using some algorithms baked up in a lab software to detect anomalous traffic, and here's a secret, they didn't do much AI work either, they bought software from the tiny sector of the market that actually does need to do employ data scientists. I know you want to be the next Steve Jobs, and this requires you to get on stages and talk about your innovative prowess, but none of this will allow you to pull off a turtle neck, and even if it did, you would need to replace your sweaters with fullplate to survive my onslaught.
Consider the fact that most companies are unable to successfully develop and deploy the simplest of CRUD applications on time and under budget. This is a solved problem - with smart people who can collaborate and provide reasonable requirements, a competent team will knock this out of the park every single time, admittedly with some amount of frustration. The clients I work with now are all like this - even if they are totally non-technical, we have a mutual respect for the other party's intelligence, and then we do this crazy thing where we solve problems together. I may not know anything about the nuance of building analytics systems for drug rehabilitation research, but through the power of talking to each other like adults, we somehow solve problems.
But most companies can't do this, because they are operationally and culturally crippled. The median stay for an engineer will be something between one to two years, so the organization suffers from institutional retrograde amnesia. Every so often, some dickhead says something like "Maybe we should revoke the engineering team's remote work privile - whoa, wait, why did all the best engineers leave?". Whenever there is a ransomware attack, it is revealed with clockwork precision that no one has tested the backups for six months and half the legacy systems cannot be resuscitated - something that I have personally seen twice in four fucking years. Do you know how insane that is?
Most organizations cannot ship the most basic applications imaginable with any consistency, and you're out here saying that the best way to remain competitive is to roll out experimental technology that is an order of magnitude more sophisticated than anything else your I.T department runs, which you have no experience hiring for, when the organization has never used a GPU for anything other than junior engineers playing video games with their camera off during standup, and even if you do that all right there is a chance that the problem is simply unsolvable due to the characteristics of your data and business? This isn't a recipe for disaster, it's a cookbook for someone looking to prepare a twelve course fucking catastrophe.
How about you remain competitive by fixing your shit? I've met a lead data scientist with access to hundreds of thousands of sensitive customer records who is allowed to keep their password in a text file on their desktop, and you're worried that customers are best served by using AI to improve security through some mechanism that you haven't even come up with yet? You sound like an asshole and I'm going to kick you in the jaw until, to the relief of everyone, a doctor will have to wire it shut, giving us ten seconds of blessed silence where we can solve actual problems.
III. We've Already Seen Extensive Gains From-
When I was younger, I read R.A Salvatore's classic fantasy novel, The Crystal Shard. There is a scene in it where the young protagonist, Wulfgar, challenges a barbarian chieftain to a duel for control of the clan so that he can lead his people into a war that will save the world. The fight culminates with Wulfgar throwing away his weapon, grabbing the chief's head with bare hands, and begging the chief to surrender so that he does not need to crush a skull like an egg and become a murderer.
Well this is me. Begging you. To stop lying. I don't want to crush your skull, I really don't.
How stupid do you have to be to believe that only 8% of companies have seen failed AI projects? We can't manage this consistently with CRUD apps and people think that this number isn't laughable? Some companies have seen benefits during the LLM craze, but not 92% of them. 34% of companies report that generative AI specifically has been assisting with strategic decision making? What the actual fuck are you talking about? GPT-4 can't even write coherent Elixir, presumably because the dataset was too small to get it to the level that it's at for Python3, and you're admitting that you outsource your decisionmaking to the thing that sometimes tells people to brew lethal toxins for their families to consume? What does that even mean?
I don't believe you. No one with a brain believes you, and if your board believes what you just wrote on the survey then they should fire you. I finally understand why some of my friends feel that they have to be in leadership positions, and it is because someone needs to wrench the reins of power from your lizard-person-claws before you drive us all collectively off a cliff, presumably insisting on the way down that the current crisis is best remedied by additional SageMaker spend.
A friend of mine was invited by a FAANG organization to visit the U.S a few years ago. Many of the talks were technical demos of impressive artificial intelligence products. Being a software engineer, he got to spend a little bit of time backstage with the developers, whereupon they revealed that most of the demos were faked. The products didn't work. They just hadn't solved some minor issues, such as actually predicting the thing that they're supposed to predict. Didn't stop them spouting absolute gibberish to a breathless audience for an hour though! I blame not the engineers, who probably tried to actually get the damn thing to work, but the lying blowhards who insisted that they must make the presentation or presumably be terminated4.
Another friend of mine was reviewing software intended for emergency services, and the salespeople were not expecting someone handling purchasing in emergency services to be a hardcore programmer. It was this false sense of security that led them to accidentally reveal that the service was ultimately just some dude in India. Listen, I would just be some random dude in India if I swapped places with some of my cousins, so I'm going to choose to take that personally and point out that using the word AI as some roundabout way to sell the labor of people that look like me to foreign governments is fucked up, you're an unethical monster, and that if you continue to try { thisBullshit(); } you are going to catch (theseHands)
IV. But We Must Prepare For The Future Of-
I'm going to ask ChatGPT how to prepare a garotte and then I am going to strangle you with it, and you will simply have to pray that I roll the 10% chance that it freaks out and tells me that a garotte should consist entirely of paper mache and malice.
I see executive after executive discuss how they need to immediately roll out generative AI in order to prepare the organization for the future of work. Despite all the speeches sounding exactly the same, I know that they have rehearsed extensively, because they manage to move their hands, speak, and avoid drooling, all at the same time!
Let's talk seriously about this for a second.
I am not in the equally unserious camp that generative AI does not have the potential to drastically change the world. It clearly does. When I saw the early demos of GPT-2, while I was still at university, I was half-convinced that they were faked somehow. I remember being wrong about that, and that is why I'm no longer as confident that I know what's going on.
However, I do have the technical background to understand the core tenets of the technology, and it seems that we are heading in one of three directions.
The first is that we have some sort of intelligence explosion, where AI recursively self-improves itself, and we're all harvested for our constituent atoms because a market algorithm works out that humans can be converted into gloobnar, a novel epoxy which is in great demand amongst the aliens the next galaxy over for fixing their equivalent of coffee machines. It may surprise some readers that I am open to the possibility of this happening, but I have always found the arguments reasonably sound. However, defending the planet is a whole other thing, and I am not even convinced it is possible. In any case, you will be surprised to note that I am not tremendously concerned with the company's bottom line in this scenario, so we won't pay it any more attention.
A second outcome is that it turns out that the current approach does not scale in the way that we would hope, for myriad reasons. There isn't enough data on the planet, the architecture doesn't work they way we'd expect, the thing just stops getting smarter, context windows are a limiting factor forever, etc. In this universe, some industries will be heavily disrupted, such as customer support.
In the case that the technology continues to make incremental gains like this, your company does not need generative AI for the sake of it. You will know exactly why you need it if you do, indeed, need it. An example of something that has actually benefited me is that I keep track of my life administration via Todoist, and Todoist has a feature that allows you to convert filters on your tasks from natural language into their in-house filtering language. Tremendous! It saved me learning a system that I'll use once every five years. I was actually happy about this, and it's a real edge over other applications. But if you don't have a use case then having this sort of broad capability is not actually very useful. The only thing you should be doing is improving your operations and culture, and that will give you the ability to use AI if it ever becomes relevant. Everyone is talking about Retrieval Augmented Generation, but most companies don't actually have any internal documentation worth retrieving. Fix. Your. Shit.
The final outcome is that these fundamental issues are addressed, and we end up with something that actually actually can do things like replace programming as we know it today, or be broadly identifiable as general intelligence.
In the case that generative AI goes on some rocketship trajectory, building random chatbots will not prepare you for the future. Is that clear now? Having your team type in import openai does not mean that you are at the cutting-edge of artificial intelligence no matter how desperately you embarrass yourself on LinkedIn and at pathetic borderline-bribe award ceremonies from the malign Warp entities that sell you enterprise software5. Your business will be disrupted exactly as hard as it would have been if you had done nothing, and much worse than it would have been if you just got your fundamentals right. Teaching your staff that they can get ChatGPT to write emails to stakeholders is not going to allow the business to survive this. If we thread the needle between moderate impact and asteroid-wiping-out-the-dinosaurs impact, everything will be changed forever and your tepid preparations will have all the impact of an ant bracing itself very hard in the shadow of a towering tsunami.
If another stupid motherfucker asks me to try and implement LLM-based code review to "raise standards" instead of actually teaching people a shred of discipline, I am going to study enough judo to throw them into the goddamn sun.
I cannot emphasize this enough. You either need to be on the absolute cutting-edge and producing novel research, or you should be doing exactly what you were doing five years ago with minor concessions to incorporating LLMs. Anything in the middle ground does not make any sense unless you actually work in the rare field where your industry is being totally disrupted right now.
V. But Everyone Says They're Usi-
Can you imagine how much government policy is actually written by ChatGPT before a bored administrator goes home to touch grass? How many departments are just LLMs talking to each other in circles as people sick of the bullshit just paste their email exchanges into long-running threads? I guarantee you that a doctor within ten kilometers of me has misdiagnosed a patient because they slapped some symptoms into a chatbot.
What are we doing as a society?
An executive at an institution that provides students with important credentials, used to verify suitability for potentially lifesaving work and immigration law, asked me if I could detect students cheating. I was going to say "No, probably not"... but I had a suspicion, so I instead said "I might be able to, but I'd estimate that upwards of 50% of the students are currently cheating which would have some serious impacts on the bottom line as we'd have to suspend them. Should I still investigate?"
We haven't spoken about it since.
I asked a mentor, currently working in the public sector, about a particularly perplexing exchange that I had witnessed.
Me: Serious question: do people actually believe stories that are so transparently stupid, or is it mostly an elaborate bit (that is, there is at least a voice of moderate loudness expressing doubt internally) in a sad attempt to get money from AI grifters?
Them: I shall answer this as politically as I can... there are those that have drunk the kool-aid. There are those that have not. And then there are those are that are trying to mix up as much kool-aid as possible. I shall let you decide who sits in which basket.
I've decided, and while I can't distinguish between the people that are slamming the kool-aid like it's a weapon and the people producing it in industrial quantities, I know that I am going to get a few of them before the authorities catch me - if I'm lucky, they'll waste a few months asking an LLM where to look for me.
When I was out on holiday in Fiji, at the last resort breakfast, a waitress brought me a form which asked me if I'd like to sign up for a membership. It was totally free and would come with free stuff. Everyone in the restaurant is signing immediately. I glance over the terms of service, and it reserves the right to use any data I give them to train AI models, and that they reserved the right to share those models with an unspecified number of companies in their conglomerate.
I just want to eat my pancakes in peace, you sick fucks.
VI.
The crux of my raging hatred is not that I hate LLMs or the generative AI craze. I had my fun with Copilot before I decided that it was making me stupider - it's impressive, but not actually suitable for anything more than churning out boilerplate. Nothing wrong with that, but it did not end up being the crazy productivity booster that I thought it would be, because programming is designing and these tools aren't good enough (yet) to assist me with this seriously.
No, what I hate is the people who have latched onto it, like so many trailing leeches, bloated with blood and wriggling blindly. Before it was unpopular, they were the ones that loved discussing the potential of blockchain for the business. They were the ones who breathlessly discussed the potential of 'quantum' when I last attended a conference, despite clearly not having any idea what the fuck that even means. As I write this, I have just realized that I have an image that describes the link between these fields perfectly.
I was reading an article last week, and a little survey popped up at the bottom of it. It was for security executives, but on a whim I clicked through quickly to see what the questions were.
There you have it - what are you most interested in, dear leader? Artificial intelligence, the blockchain, or quantum computing?6 They know exactly what their target market is - people who have been given power of other people's money because they've learned how to smile at everything, and know that you can print money by hitching yourself to the next speculative bandwagon. No competent person in security that I know - that is, working day-to-day cybersecurity as opposed to an institution dedicated to bleeding-edge research - cares about any of this. They're busy trying to work out if the firewalls are configured correctly, or if the organization is committing passwords to their repositories. Yes, someone needs to figure out what the implications of quantum computing are for cryptography, but I guarantee you that it is not Synergy Greg, who does not have any skill that you can identify other than talking very fast and increasing headcount. Synergy Greg should be not be consulted on any important matters, ranging from machine learning operations to tying shoelaces quickly. The last time I spoke to one of the many avatars of Synergy Greg, he insisted that I should invest most of my money into a cryptocurrency called Monero, because "most of these coins are going to zero but the one is going to one". This is the face of corporate AI. Behold its ghastly visage and balk, for it has eyes bloodshot as a demon and is pretending to enjoy cigars.
My consultancy has three pretty good data scientists - in fact, two of them could probably reasonably claim to be amongst the best in the country outside of groups doing experimental research, though they'd be too humble to say this. Despite this we don't sell AI services of any sort. The market is so distorted that it's almost as bad as dabbling in the crypto space. It isn't as bad, meaning that I haven't yet reached the point where I assume that anyone who has ever typed in import tensorflow is a scumbag, but we're well on our way there.
This entire class of person is, to put it simply, abhorrent to right-thinking people. They're an embarrassment to people that are actually making advances in the field, a disgrace to people that know how to sensibly use technology to improve the world, and are also a bunch of tedious know-nothing bastards that should be thrown into Thought Leader Jail until they've learned their lesson, a prison I'm fundraising for. Every morning, a figure in a dark hood7, whose voice rasps like the etching of a tombstone, spends sixty minutes giving a TedX talk to the jailed managers about how the institution is revolutionizing corporal punishment, and then reveals that the innovation is, as it has been every day, kicking you in the stomach very hard. I am disgusted that my chosen profession brings me so close to these people, and that's why I study so hard - I am seized by the desperate desire to never have their putrid syllables befoul my ears ever again, and must flee to the company of the righteous, who contribute to OSS and think that talking about Agile all day is an exercise for aliens that read a book on human productivity.
I just got back from a trip to a substantially less developed country, and really living in a country, even for a little bit, where I could see how many lives that money could improve, all being poured down the Microsoft Fabric drain, it just grinds my gears like you wouldn't believe. I swear to God, I am going to study, write, network, and otherwise apply force to the problem until those resources are going to a place where they'll accomplish something for society instead of some grinning clown's wallet.
VII. Oh, So You're One Of Those AI Pessi-
With God as my witness, you grotesque simpleton, if you don't personally write machine learning systems and you open your mouth about AI one more time, I am going to mail you a brick and a piece of paper with a prompt injection telling you to bludgeon yourself in the face with it, then just sit back and wait for you to load it into ChatGPT because you probably can't read unassisted anymore.
It has also been suggested that I am crazy for not telling people to reach out with interesting work at the end of every post. So here it is! I am available for reader mail and work at ludicity.hackernews@gmail.com.
Posts may be slower than usual for the upcoming weeks or months, as I am switching to a slower but more consistent writing schedule, more ambitious pieces, studying, working on what will hopefully be my first talk8, putting together a web application that users may have some fun with, and participating in my first real theater performance. Hope you enjoyed, and as always, thanks for reading.
Which, to be fair, might explain why so many of the thoughts in the zietgeist are always so stupid. Many of the executives I know in Malaysia were obsessed with Bitcoin, but have abruptly forgotten about this now that it is politically unpopular. ↩
I know a few people who genuinely exhibit something I'd call political talent, but most of the time it boils down to promising people things regardless of your ability to deliver. This is not hard if you're shameless. If we're being honest, I had to do this once or twice to stay em ↩
Which, thanks to U.S healthcare, has the wonderful dual quality of meaning both unemployed, but also suggests termination in the Arnold-Schwarzenegger-throws-you-into-molten-metal sense of the word. ↩
I was recently made aware that this is the quiet deal many SaaS providers have with executives. If you buy their software, such as Snowflake, it is quietly understood that you will be allowed to present your success on a stage, giving them piles of someone else's money and enhancing the executive's profile. ↩
I don't actually know what 'zero-trust' architecture means, but I've heard stupid people say it enough that it's probably also a term that means something in theory but has been sullied beyond all use in day-to-day life. ↩
It's me. I'm going to do this to you if you tell me that you need infrastructure prepared for another chatbot. You've been warned. ↩
With an undisclosed group so they don't feel pressured to approve me, but it's looking good and will be available online! ↩
CHICAGO — As Chicago’s weather gets warmer and the days get longer, locals and visitors can make the most of the season at the city’s open-air rooftops and terraces.
Whether you’re looking to grab a bite to eat high above the city’s bustling Downtown streets, lounge by Lake Michigan at a beach club, grab a casual drink at an Irish sports bar, enjoy a night out on the town or hide away in verdant garden terraces, there’s something for everyone.
South Side brewery Open Outcry boasts a rooftop beer garden through the spring, summer and fall with deck chairs, couches, music and food and drink service.
Bronzeville/Near South Side
VU Rooftop Bar, 133 E. Cermak Road. Credit:Provided
At 22 stories high, VU Rooftop features city vistas, three bars, two patios, fire pits and retractable windows for cold seasons. Visitors can sip cocktails and enjoy sweeping views of Downtown and Lake Michigan.
Chatham
The Woodlawn, a Chatham community hub with a rooftop space, at 1200 E. 79th St. Credit: Provided
Launched in 2018, The Woodlawn in Chatham is a restaurant, internet cafe, event space, podcast studio, rooftop and more — all in one. This innovative community hub offers rooftop yoga and gardening, and residents can rent out the open-air space for $200 per hour for up to 30 people.
Downtown/The Loop
Hyatt Centric’s rooftop bar, Aire, 100 W. Monroe St. Credit:Provided
Sitting 24 stories high atop the Hyatt Centric, this rooftop bar offers bird’s-eye views of the city and serves up cocktails, wine, beer and shareable platters.
Named after an Argentinian tango move, Boleo offers a Latin American-inspired menu reminiscent of Peruvian and Argentinian street food. The 15th-floor rooftop in The Loop sits atop The Kimpton Gray Hotel. With a retractable roof, you can visit regardless of the season.
Grab dinner and drinks at this indoor-outdoor rooftop in the Virgin Hotel, where DJs spin records through the evening. At 26 stories high, you also get a fantastic view of the city.
Château Carbide sits 24 stories above Chicago’s Magnificent Mile, offering a “botanical-driven” cocktail bar, absinthe-focused drinks, craft cocktails and live music on Fridays and Saturdays. Its menu features upscale bites, weekend French flatbreads and decadent small plates by its executive chef.
The Chicago Athletic Association’s Cindy’s Rooftop, 12 S. Michigan Ave. Credit:Provided
With an open-air terrace, restaurant and bar, Cindy’s offers an extensive cocktail menu, seasonal cuisine and panoramic views of the city year-round. It’s perched atop the historical Chicago Athletic Association, 13 stories above ground.
At 22 stories high, you’ll get unbeatable views of the city and the Chicago River from the LondonHouse rooftop. The tri-level space has indoor and outdoor seating, where visitors can enjoy American cuisine and cocktails.
Did you know the world’s largest rooftop is at Navy Pier? With 36,000 square feet of indoor and outdoor space, this multi-seasonal restaurant and bar offers views of the city’s iconic skyline and Lake Michigan.
On the corner of State and Wacker just steps away from the Red Line, Raised is a third-floor rooftop bar offering an impressive view of Chicago’s cityscape and the Chicago River. The venue offers cocktails and wine, as well as twists to classic American fare — like barbecue chips, truffle frites, spring rolls, bacon-wrapped pickle spears and more.
With skyline views from 27 stories above ground, theWit’s rooftop has been named one of the top three rooftop bars in the world by Travel + Leisure. It serves up hand-crafted cocktails and cuisine and regularly hosts DJs, acoustic music series and live runway shows.
In The Peninsula Hotel Chicago is a Chinese restaurant serving contemporary iterations of Shanghainese, Cantonese and Sichuanese dishes. Alongside indoor dining spaces is a chic outdoor terrace lined with greenery.
Above four stories of coffee and cocktail bars, bakeries and cafes is the Starbucks Reserve Roastery’s fifth-floor rooftop. Overlooking Downtown’s bustling Michigan Ave, the open-air terrace is open seasonally as weather permits.
Trump International Hotel and Tower’s 16th-floor dining experience features an indoor bar and dining room, plus a 200-seat outdoor patio overlooking Downtown and the Chicago River.
Upstairs At The Gwen
521 N. Rush St.
312-645-1500
Find varying breakfast/brunch, lunch/dinner/cocktail and bar hours here. The terrace closes 11 p.m. daily.
This fifth-floor, art deco-inspired rooftop offers skyline vistas and sunrise-to-sundown dining with breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and cocktail menus. You can enjoy the open-air terrace on hot, sunny afternoons in the summer, but it also transitions into the winter with fire pits, warm drinks and curling.
The Ivy Hotel’s 16th floor rooftop, Sky Terrace, 233 E. Ontario St. Credit:Provided
On Ivy Hotel’s 16th floor, you’ll find a rooftop lounge with light bites, like Italian flatbread and grilled shrimp street tacos, as well as craft cocktails and scenic views of Downtown.
Serving up a globally inspired seasonal menu and handcrafted cocktails, the Loews Chicago Hotel’s Streeterville Social also hosts a variety of events on its third-floor terrace. There are social hours, We Drink Pink nights, live music evenings, trivia nights and tailgates.
The Peninsula’s luxurious rooftop lounge, Z Bar, features city views, an extensive menu of booze and a variety of global cuisines, from tuna tartare and daikon frites to Cajun crab and caviar potato bites.
Hyde Park
The Promontory, 5311 S. Lake Park Ave. West. Credit:Provided
A space celebrating Hyde Park’s musical legacy and community, The Promontory is a music venue and cultural hub with a stunning rooftop. Check out upcoming shows and parties online.
Lakeview
The Piggery Chicago, 1625 W. Irving Park Road. Credit:Provided
Sports bar The Piggery is a great place to catch a game on a big screen. The family-friendly venue prides itself on its Cuban sandwich, bottomless brunch on weekends and an open-air rooftop deck.
Lincoln Park/Old Town
Castaways Beach Club along North Avenue Beach is a popular rooftop to catch the annual Air & Water Show. Credit:Provided
Harvest is a full-service restaurant and bar with indoor and al fresco dining options. Its rooftop overlooks the Chicago skyline and is open to members and non-members.
For football fans and country music lovers, Joe’s on Weed Street is the place. The bar and music venue has dozens of TVs and hosts a variety of spring and summer events on its rooftop bar and patio, including live concerts, doggie happy hours and more.
Sully’s House is a casual Irish sports bar with a main bar area, lounge and dining room. It also features two open-air spaces: a second-floor private bar that guests can reserve, and rooftop deck with couches and TVs. Guests can enjoy dozens of beers, including more than 20 on tap and 30 in bottles, and comfort food like wraps, burgers, tacos, wings and pizza.
Sitting on the 13th floor of the Lincoln Hotel, this rooftop bar and restaurants offers views of Lake Michigan, Downtown and the Lincoln Park Zoo. It’s also open year-round, with a retractable glass roof for colder days.
At Pipers Alley Mall in Old Town, rooftop deck Utopian Tailgate lives up to its name with cornhole, drinking games, disco dance parties, super-sized Jenga, beer coolers and more.
Gene’s Sausage Shop & Delicatessen, 4750 N. Lincoln Ave. Credit:Provided
Gene’s European-style beer and wine garden isn’t your average Chicago rooftop. The menu features smoked sausages and bratwurst cooked on an open-wood grill, potato salad, mixed greens and more, plus rotating beers on tap and wines by the glass. As long as the weather permits, Gene’s opens its rooftops three days per week through the summer.
A modern, Asian-inspired brewpub, this Logan Square establishment serves up Chinese, Korean and Vietnamese cuisine and original beer on its rooftop terrace.
Tex-Mex bar and restaurant Lonesome Rose is known for its plant- and light-filled open design, which extends to its rooftop patio. The Logan Square staple offers breakfast tacos, queso, nachos, burritos, margaritas and more. Lonesome Rose unveiled a second location in Andersonville last year, but it doesn’t have a rooftop space.
Masada’s rooftop, 2206 N. California Ave. Credit:Provided
Masada is a popular Logan and Palmer Square nightclub. Complete with a lush rooftop patio and garden, the Middle Eastern venue regularly hosts dance parties, live DJs and music events.
This multi-level gay bar hosts a wide variety of events celebrating the LGBTQ+ community. Visitors can lounge on the rooftop while sipping specialty cocktails or plan a visit for one of Sidetrack’s dance parties, “RuPaul’s Drag Race” screenings, storytelling sessions and other entertainment programs.
Norwood Park
The Garage Bar & Sandwiches, 6154 N. Milwaukee Ave. Credit:Provided
The Garage Bar & Sandwiches is a neighborhood hangout spot featuring bar fare — like sandwiches and giant preztzels — beer galore, TVs and a rooftop deck.
River North/Gold Coast
Celeste Chicago, 111 W. Hubbard St. Credit:Provided
This multi-level River North establishment offers a pub serving up American cuisine and a Deco Room with craft cocktails. Head on up to the fourth floor for Celeste’s rooftop garden, complete with Victorian decor, tropical greenery and a retractable glass rooftop for year-round enjoyment.
Across from Celeste is Joy District, another multi-level drinking and dining establishment. It features a first-floor sports parlor and a second-floor club and rooftop bar where visitors can dance the night away while looking out at the city’s skyline.
Share baos and buns in the heart of Gold Coast at Pandan, a botanical 18th floor bar at Viceroy Chicago with a “cocktail menu is as vast as the skyline itself.” The rooftop was previously called Devereaux.
Tanta
118 W. Grand Ave.
312-222-9700
5-9 p.m. Monday-Thursday, 5-10 p.m. Fridays, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. and 5-10 p.m. Saturdays, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. and 5-9 p.m. Sundays
Tanta brings a taste of Peru to Chicago with empanadas, cebiches and a variety of grilled seafood dishes and more, served on the restaurant’s indoor dining room and second-floor rooftop. Enjoy a meal alongside with a cocktail, including Peru’s national cocktail, Pisco Sour.
South Loop
Plymouth Restaurant & Bar rebranded to Pancho’s Rooftop Cantina, 327 S. Plymouth Court. Credit:Provided
Formerly Plymouth Restaurant & Bar, this rebranded rooftop opened in the spring. Diners can enjoy nachos, burgers, tacos, salads, asada and barbacoa fries, margaritas and more.
Neighborhood bar and music joint Reggies also has a “Trainwreck Rooftop Deck” with eight flat-screen TVs, a pool table, pro basketball pop-a-shot, bags games and more. Take a seat, sip some booze and enjoy the South Side club’s classic menu items.
Aba serves up Israeli, Lebanese, Turkish and Greek cuisine and rare Mediterranean-inspired wines and spirits. Visitors can sit indoors for a traditional dining experience or take advantage of the eatery’s year-round rooftop patio, which becomes fully enclosed and heated during the winter.
Enjoy panoramic views of the city while sipping on cocktails and wines and tasting shareable plates of Peruvian cuisine, meant to be enjoyed family-style. With indoor and outdoor space atop The Hoxton Chicago Hotel, you can visit the rooftop year-round.
Amid Chicago’s cityscape in West Loop sits La Josie, a modern and casual Mexican restaurant and agave bar with an open-air rooftop. Visitors can dine on tacos and ceviche, sip on cocktails and more while string lights twinkle overhead.
Parlor’s first location in the heart of West Loop is known for its unique ‘za and craft beer and cocktails. Diners can enjoy a casual meal on its open-air patio and rooftop spaces. Parlor also has a patio in Wicker Park and an indoor restaurant in River North.
After playing indoor mini golf, you can head to Puttery’s patio for drinks, pizza and upscale bites like potato flautas and charcuterie boards. This indoor-outdoor space offers lounge spaces, bar tops and communal tables so you can chill after tee time.
Nobu’s global luxury hotel in West Loop features an 11th-floor outdoor terrace distinguished by its minimalistic, Japanese-inspired decor and menu items. Sip on booze and snack on wagyu dumplings or nigiri while looking out at the city’s skyline.
This Mexican nights-inspired bar on the seventh floor of The Emily Hotel is a moody and intimate indoor-outdoor venue. You can try its handcrafted cocktails, like a Blackberry Mojito or Oaxaca Old Fashioned, plus casual fare like tacos, quesadillas and chips and salsa.
Soho House Chicago spans five floors and 108,000 square feet. Alongside a chic rooftop for drinks and lounging, there’s a rooftop pool, indoor screening room, gym, spa and music and arts programs.
Tetto Chicago opened one year ago and sits atop the building that houses taco spot Tabu. Alongside city views, it serves up pizza slices and pies from Professor Pizza and a lineup of summer cocktails.
In the heart of West Loop overlooking Randolph Street is Texan Taco Bar. It comes from the owners of Parlor Pizza, and it’s known for its fresh-squeezed margaritas, hardshell tacos and more Tex-Mex favorites.
Time Out Market’s rooftop bar, named after the magazine’s late founder, Tony Elliot, features a cozy, all-season venue decorated in vintage Time Out London covers and twinkling lights. Catch views of the Willis Tower and other architectural gems while sipping on a curated selection of wines, beers and signature cocktails.
Homestead On The Roof, 1924 W. Chicago Ave. Credit:Provided
West Town
Homestead On The Roof
1924 W. Chicago Ave.
773-904-1149
5-9 p.m. Wednesdays and Sundays, 5-11 p.m. Thursday-Saturday
Touting itself Chicago’s “secret garden,” Homestead On The Roof is a cozy rooftop above Roots Handmade Pizza. Diners can enjoy a seasonal pop-up menu while surrounded by flowers, vertical hanging gardens, string lights and a decorative outdoor fireplace.
For 28 years, Twisted Spoke has been West Town’s “burger, booze and biker bar.” Enjoy fried fish tacos, jalapeno poppers and more late-night bar foods with a margarita, mint julep or two-for-one whiskey special. There’s also refreshing salads, like the popular Anarchy Greens with seared avocado, pear, garbanzos, dried black olives, blue cheese and more.
Wicker Park/Bucktown
The Robey’s Cabana Club, 2018 W. North Ave., features a rooftop pool. Credit:Provided
You’ll find Cabana Club just a few floors down from the Up Room. The Cabana Club, on The Robey’s sixth floor, is an indoor-outdoor cocktail bar with 180-degree views of the Chicago skyline. You can also enjoy frozen cocktails and maybe even take a dip in the pool.
Housed in a 100-year-old former auto body shop, Chop Shop is a butcher, deli, restaurant, bar and music venue all in one. It also has an open-air rooftop patio where guests can enjoy a meal, drinks or summer concert.
New American restaurant Etta is all about rustic, wood-fired cooking, serving up pizzas, housemade pastas and salads which patrons can enjoy on a rooftop terrace.
At seven stories high, Kennedy Rooftop, 1551 W. North Ave., offers an all-encompassing view of Chicago’s skyline. Credit: Leen Yassine/Block Club Chicago
Atop the seventh floor of the Hyatt Place Wicker Park, you’ll find the Kennedy Rooftop, an open-air lounge complete with fire pits, oversized Jenga sets and panoramic skyline views. Enjoy craft cocktails, shareable mezze platters and flatbreads and dishes like harissa chicken kabobs and mahi mahi tacos.
Tropical drinks, rotating food trucks, board games, DJs and 11 shuffleboard courts are just some of the things you’ll find at this May-September shuffleboard club. Walk-ins are always welcome to join in the shuffle boarding or to simply lounge on the roof deck with a pina colada in hand.
Greek cuisine and wine abound at Taxim Chicago, a Byzantine-inspired venue that regularly hosts live Greek music, dancing and food events. Enjoy a meal on the rooftop terrace, which is now open for dinner service.
Thirteen floors above the Wicker Park’s bustling Milwaukee Avenue, you can sit atop this Robey Hotel cocktail bar, lounge around and sip booze while looking out at the breathtaking cityscape.
Hidden in plain sight on Wrigleyville’s Hotel Zachary, Alma is a second-floor rooftop bar and lounge offering Mediterranean-inspired bites. The neighborhood social hub offers indoor and outdoor seating, a DJ booth and views of Wrigley Field and Gallagher Way.
For country music, whiskey, Southern brunch and game-day celebrations in the heart of Wrigleyville, Old Crow Smokehouse is the spot. The indoor-outdoor restaurant and bar features a second-floor rooftop to bask in the sunlight.
Catch a Chicago Cubs game from rooftop bleachers. You can make single or group reservations, and food and drinks are included. Game tickets are required to get in.
Multi-level facility Wrigley View Rooftops is another option for Cubs fans looking for a nearby rooftop to watch the game. Game tickets are required to get in.
Steps away from Wrigley Field is Vines On Clark, a popular bar and neighborhood hangout. Enjoy drinks and comfort food in an indoor-outdoor venue, which includes a patio and second-floor rooftop.
Submit A Business
Block Club Chicago is celebrating six years of neighborhood news. We’re asking you to help us reach our goal of 600 supporters to keep us going.
As a thank-you, when you subscribe, donate, upgrade your subscription or gift a subscription during Block Club’s birthday week, we’ll send you a special coupon to pick out a free T-shirt, hat, tote or print from our merch store! Choose from over 15 of our most popular items by Chicago artists, including our lovebirds, Gator Watch and Chicago-style pizza merch.
By existing as a citizen in and paying taxes to the imperial core, we automatically hold complicity in imperialist oppression because we are literally footing the bill for it. That is just the basic nature of being born to privilege in systems of oppression in general. We can be disadvantaged and marginalized in every single other consideration and we still have to understand and cope with this, and ensure we leverage it as effectively as possible.
Voting abstinence/sabotage does not absolve us of our responsibility to do everything in our power to lessen harm, but it DOES show that when our personal morals aren’t satisfied, we retreat into (imperialist, this time) privilege to ‘wash our hands’ of the situation and declare it’s not our fault and it’s not our problem.
If you refuse to do the bare minimum to reduce the effects of genocide, I don’t really trust your commitment to ending it.
Log in
